WHAT IS LOVE

 

             

As I type this, my mind is filled with Johnny Drille’s “Romeo and Juliet” and I catch myself humming “love is a beautiful thing, this love na for you and me”, and I laugh because truly, love is beautiful. I had just cried my eyes out, not because of heartbreak, but because of something I truly cared about, being shattered before my very eyes. Anyways, I’m digressing, so let me get back to the tea.

Have you ever wondered why there are so many broken hearts, with the amount of “I love yous” that have wafted the earth? Do we truly love ourselves or we are just mouthing the next best thing that comes through our heads? What really is the concept of “love” and why is it so misconstrued by humans?

Our ideology of love has really been tainted, and it makes me sad, because probably what we term as “love” is really just lust or our desires and unreliable emotions overwhelming us. Maybe, because the concept of love has been watered down by movies and whatnot. Definitely not trying to condemn movies, just analyzing the whole concept guys. 

We have allowed the idea that LOVE is an emotion, to guide our decisions and in turn, made it so restrictive. Do we mean, these unreliable emotions we possess, suddenly can define love? Isn’t love supposed to be actionable? Isn’t it supposed to translate? 

I really do not remember anyone ever “looking” at someone’s emotions and thinking they do not love them, rather, it is because of what they have observed, or what the other party has done. Don’t take my word for it, just observe your everyday relationships and tell me if I am wrong?

Personally, this definition of love from 1st Corinthians 13 stands out to me and I would love for us to examine its contents, as they would heavily influence my write-up. I would be examining verses 4 to 8, and I will be calling them love quotes.

Love Quote 4

                 “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud”

Now, the first virtue of love examined here is that of “patience”. A lot of us are not patient with each other, whether it is a friend, sibling, parent, child, and lover. We are so quick to switch our loyalty when any wrong is done to us, and we would much rather keep the tension going than settle it there and then.

 

Patience, I believe requires a high level of understanding and emotional maturity, which can be learned, but more often than not, is ignored. I mean, it is only patience that would make a parent not disown a child when they bring shame to their name, or a lover to forgive their erring spouse, or a friend to stand by another, despite being taunted by others in their trying times. 

It takes love for someone to see you messing your life up, but not giving up on you; that entails grace and patience.

Kindness is also portrayed here as a definition of love, so it baffles me when people say that someone being mean to you is a sign that the person loves you. What sort of toxic psychobabble is that? Some of y’all need therapy, a strong one and that is a must. It is not surprising though, seeing as movies like 365 days had girls drooling, wanting to be kidnapped and roughly handled.

Love is not toxic, so yeah, it is kind. How did it feel when you were going through something bitter in your life, and someone just comes along and offers to help you get through it? They dedicated their time and resources to you as if it were their project. That definition of love, I will take any day, over some demeaning esoteric, portrayed by the world today.

Envy is also excluded from love, so you can see that if you are envious of me or someone close to you, you do not love that person. I mean, if you love me, you would not be envious of me, rather, you will celebrate with me. I mean, you rejoicing with me only attracts more blessings to you, but I guess the “envy lawyers” have a different argument, but I certainly don’t want to hear it.

This verse finally lets us know that love is not proud or boastful, and I totally agree. Imagine someone boasting about how they helped you in front of other people. Normally, if it was helpful or pure-intentioned, you would not need to boast about it, as the recipient would gladly sing your praises, but hey, this is the world we live in.  

What of pride? You feel because you are older than someone close to you, you cannot ask for forgiveness or learn from them. How exactly is that working out for you, Brother Tightheart and Sister Stonymind?

Love Quote 5

“it is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongdoing”

Most of us are underground narcissists and have no one to tell us. We tend to seek out situations that benefit us, and we drain the other person of virtue without adding any value. This is seen in being self-seeking, as iterated in this verse. The funny thing about it is, sometimes, we don’t even know we are doing it, as it happens subconsciously. 

Think about that your friend that you like hailing as “so nice”, and ask yourself when was the last time you did something for him or her? I’m sure you’re probably re-evaluating your actions, right? The person na tap, na you be the basket whey dey always drain am. 

Being rude and easily angered should have no place in our relationships if we love someone. This is because, I believe loving someone comes with a high level of tolerance, which would not otherwise be there if you don’t love that person. 

Imagine if God decided to punish us, as soon as we sinned; it would be deadly. In fact, I believe Jesus was the tolerance pill set up to protect us, because, if na by how we live our lives, we no go make am oh. 

You cannot love someone and continue reminding them of the wrong things they have done, most especially if they have apologized for it. You tend to make that person feel guilty all over again and incite some emotions that slow the healing process for both of you. Yes, I said both of you, because it is obvious you have decided not to heal and let go. 

It even makes you a hypocrite, because you are not a saint, and would not like someone to do the same to you. It hurts and is not a sign of love.

Love Quote 6 

                         “Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth”

Most people love to gossip. We see it as a pleasurable pastime and never stop to think of the consequences. We also love to laugh at people’s pain, which to me is evil in its own right. It does not matter if the person was bad to you or maligned you. You show the better part of you when situations like these arise. That maturity you keep touting off comes to play here.

Your friends would see how much love you have in your heart for them when you act this way. See, I can testify that I have never liked when someone is in pain, no matter how evil that person has been painted to be or how angry I was at them. In fact, you would see my true colors if you decided to harm them. Kind of like how God is with those who have decided to put him first and maintain a relationship with him.

It puzzled me but made me happy, to say the least. People seemed to wonder if I had a mental problem, but hey, that was just me. Although, nowadays, I keep my opinions to myself, because people are more focused on irrelevant arguments than agreeing to disagree.

Love Quote 7

                               “it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres”

Well, isn’t that beautiful? Haven’t you seen how you are when someone tries to mess with a loved one? The lion in you pops out and rushes to protect and shelter them from those fiends. That is a love language to me and it is a beautiful thing. 

Have you also noticed that you never doubt your loved one’s integrity when someone tries to bring them down in front of you? You defend them with everything in you and can almost slap the person doing the degrading.

Hope is kept alive when you love someone, especially if the person is going off the rails. You stay true, and keep pushing and waiting, knowing the person would realize soonest the mistake they are making and how it is harming them. That is love. 

Love Quote 8

                                     “Love never fails….”

I mean, it just had to blatantly state it!!! Have you ever found yourself being constantly failed by someone, and you have deadened yourself to it, so you conclude that love does not exist here? It happens to the best of us my darlings. I cannot say more than this.

Dr. Chapman defined love by languages and he gave five primary connotations which are words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, acts of service, and receiving gifts. None of these look like emotions to me, so it reiterates my earlier point of love being performative. 

Love is not sex, it is not an emotional connection, in fact, it is not dependent on an emotional connection. Emotions are part of love but do not define it. 

                        “It is something you do, in spite of what you feel”

                                                                         Pastor John Gray

Love is that concept that would continually have fleeting and misconstrued definitions, but that does not really matter. It is up to you to imbibe this understanding of love and compare it with all the relationships in your life. Does it match what you see? Are you willing to cope or accept that evidence of love? 

As I end my rant, with Vic Bozeman’s “What Is Love” playing in my head, I leave you to answer this question: is love a feeling or an action?